So it's been about six months since I opened this blog and wrote the first post. I had ambitious plans to write daily at first, but it didn't come to pass. Part of the delay has been trying to decide where to start, and what direction I want to go. I have learned though, that these things are not really up to me. The focus of this blog is not me. If not for God's amazing grace, I would have no story to tell. I'm not where I am because of anything that I did. I was just a basket case when God came a' calling. A nobody. A cynical, sarcastic, crude lump of clay that somehow caught His attention.
For some reason, He chose me. Out of a world consisting of billions of people, I was singled out for redemption. I could have been passed over. I could have lived out my entire life unceremoniously and left this world possessing no knowledge of the eternal and having accomplished none of the things I was created for. I could have never known a joy that you can't describe with words, that nothing in this world can produce. When I look at it from that perspective, I see what a significant gift has been given to me, and how it came at a time when I was least deserving. I have a responsibility to repay the sum that was ransomed for me. It is with a sober mind that I realize that sum was a life- the life of His son, for mine. My first thought was, "Wow, God got a raw deal there, sacrificing His perfect Son for someone so imperfect as me." But it made me realize that despite this, He saw something worth rescuing. I'd spent my whole life combing every corner of my world in search of love's true definition, until my world collided with His through a series of beautiful and breathtaking events, and I realized that salvation, in both its complexity and simplicity, was IT.
We learn as baby Christians that Jesus died for our sins, but how many of us really ponder the magnitude of this sacrifice? What does it take to make the weight of this penetrate our intellect and grab hold of our hearts? We are a people obsessed with love; it only stands to reason because we were made for that very purpose. We are born with a craving for relationships and the instinct to search for love. True love is not relative or arbitrarily defined; it is absolute, and made pure and undefiled in the blood of Christ. Its sacrifice was much bigger than any we could make. God designed it this way so that we might be able to discern the real from the counterfeit and choose rightly. It was costly to Him, and He did it for US.
I wasn't blinded by this revelation the moment I said the sinner's prayer. But when I was, it changed everything. God was no fair weather friend, and this was no ordinary love. He wasn't going anywhere, no matter what I said, what I did, no matter how stunningly flawed I was. I carried such baggage and hurt from all the other loves who walked away, but my biggest disappointments were but a grain of sand dissolved in his grace, mercy, and long suffering. It melted me. As truth was poured out, I started to see myself differently. I was no longer defined by the things that happened in my past, or the mistakes I made. I was, and am still being made new. It's messy, and beautiful at the same time. It's a process that's both frustrating and fascinating. I sometimes embrace it, sometimes fight it; I have moments of weakness but the truth is permanently etched in my heart and mind, and because it's always lived up to its claims, I can't help but return to it every time. It's really the only sure thing we have.